The Most Important Decision of Your Life: Choosing the Right Partner

By Juliana Bistoquet – GPS Seychelles

As women, we make countless decisions every day—what to wear, what to eat, where to work—but none are as crucial as the decision of who we choose as our life partner. This single choice can determine your happiness, safety, financial stability, and the well-being of your future children. Unfortunately, many women rush into relationships without properly evaluating their partner’s character, leading to devastating consequences like domestic violence, infidelity, financial ruin, and single parenthood.

The Harsh Reality: Why Choosing Wrong Can Ruin Your Life

1. Domestic Violence & Abuse

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 1 in 3 women worldwide experiences physical or sexual violence in their lifetime, mostly by an intimate partner. In Seychelles, gender-based violence remains a pressing issue, with many cases going unreported. An abusive partner doesn’t just harm you—he can also become an abusive father, traumatizing your children and perpetuating a cycle of violence.

How to Filter Him Out:

• Observe how he handles anger. Does he shout, break things, or become aggressive?

• Ask about his past relationships. If he blames all his exes for "drama," that’s a red flag.

• Notice if he tries to control your movements, friendships, or finances early on.

2. Alcoholism & Drug Addiction

A partner struggling with addiction will bring chaos into your life. Substance abuse is linked to domestic violence, financial irresponsibility, and neglect of parental duties. In Seychelles, alcohol abuse is a leading factor in broken families.

How to Filter Him Out:

• Does he drink excessively or use drugs regularly?

• Does he have a stable job, or does he spend most of his money on vices?

• Are his friends heavy drinkers or drug users? (Birds of a feather flock together.)

3. Infidelity & STDs

Cheating doesn’t just break hearts—it can also risk your health. According to the Ministry of Health, Seychelles has a high prevalence of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV. A promiscuous partner increases your risk.

How to Filter Him Out:

• Does he have a history of cheating? (Past behavior predicts future actions.)

• Does he respect boundaries, or does he flirt excessively with others?

• Is he secretive with his phone or social media?

4. Deadbeat Fathers: A Lifetime of Struggle

Many women end up as single mothers because their partner refuses to take responsibility. A man who won’t care for his children will leave you with financial and emotional burdens. Studies show that children from fatherless homes are more likely to drop out of school, engage in crime, and repeat the same mistakes in their own relationships.

How to Filter Him Out:

• Does he already have children he ignores or doesn’t support?

• Does he show responsibility in other areas of life (work, bills, commitments)?

• What do his family and friends say about him?

The Life-Altering Consequences of Your Choice

1. Domestic Violence: A Matter of Life and Death

The World Health Organization reports that 1 in 3 women globally experiences intimate partner violence. In Seychelles, many cases go unreported due to stigma. What begins as jealousy or "protective" behavior often escalates into physical abuse. Studies show abused women have higher risks of:

• Chronic stress disorders (shaving years off life expectancy)

• Depression and suicide attempts

• Stress-induced illnesses like heart disease

How to Spot an Abuser Early:

• Watch for explosive anger over minor issues

• Note if he isolates you from friends/family

• Be wary of love-bombing (excessive early affection used to manipulate)

2. Financial Ruin: The Hidden Cost of Bad Partners

Research from Harvard University reveals that women with financially irresponsible partners:

• Are 3x more likely to face poverty in old age

• Have significantly lower retirement savings

• Often become trapped in abusive relationships (unable to afford leaving)

Red Flags of Financial Irresponsibility:

• No stable employment history

• Gambling habits or get-rich-quick mentalities

• Expects you to cover his expenses

3. The Children Pay the Highest Price

Children from unstable homes are:

• 5x more likely to experience abuse themselves

• More prone to academic failure and juvenile delinquency

• Likely to repeat the same relationship mistakes

Why Women Choose Poorly (And How to Do Better)

The Biological Trap

Evolutionary psychology explains why women often ignore red flags:

• Oxytocin ("love hormone") clouds judgment in new relationships

• Biological clocks create pressure to settle

• Fear of being alone overrides logical assessment

• Loneliness – Fear of being alone makes them settle for less.

• Low Self-Esteem – They believe they don’t deserve better.

• Lack of a Strong Male Role Model – Without a father or brother to set standards, they accept poor treatment.

The Father Factor

Women without strong male role models are:

• 60% more likely to tolerate poor treatment (Journal of Family Psychology)

• Less able to recognize subtle manipulation tactics

• More vulnerable to love bombing

The Importance of a Strong Male Figure in Your Life

A father, uncle, or brother who genuinely cares can help you spot dangerous men before it’s too late. They can:

• Recognize manipulative behavior you might miss.

• Provide a positive example of how a real man should act.

• Intervene if a partner becomes abusive.

How His Parents’ Character Predicts His Future Behavior

One of the most overlooked but critical factors in evaluating a man’s character is the behavior and relationship of his parents. Psychology and sociology studies consistently show that people often replicate the relationship dynamics they grew up with. Here’s what to look for:

1. His Father’s Role in the Family

• Was his father present, loving, and responsible? Or was he absent, abusive, or unfaithful?

• A man who grew up with a neglectful or violent father is more likely to repeat those patterns unless he has actively worked to change.

• If his father was a hard worker who respected his mother, he is more likely to value stability and loyalty.

2. His Mother’s Treatment in the Home

• How did his father treat his mother? Was she respected, or was she belittled, controlled, or mistreated?

• A man who saw his mother being disrespected may subconsciously view women as inferior unless he consciously rejects that mindset.

• If his parents had a loving, equal partnership, he is more likely to seek the same.

3. The Overall Family Dynamic

• Were his parents married, divorced, or constantly fighting? A home filled with conflict normalizes dysfunction.

• Did his family prioritize education, responsibility, and mutual respect, or was there chaos, financial instability, or addiction?

• A man from a broken home is not automatically doomed, but he must demonstrate that he has learned healthy relationship skills elsewhere.

4. His Relationship with His Parents Now

• Does he respect his parents, or does he speak poorly of them without reason? (Constant resentment can indicate unresolved issues.)

• Is he overly dependent on his mother’s opinions? (This could mean he won’t prioritize you.)

• If his parents are still together, observe how they interact—this is likely how he will behave in a long-term relationship.

How to Evaluate a Man Properly

Before committing, assess:

1. His Past – Has he been violent, unfaithful, or irresponsible before?

2. His Present – Is he employed? Does he respect you? How does he treat his family?

3. His Circle – Are his friends reckless? Do his parents have a broken marriage? (People often repeat what they grew up with.)

   
   

The Life Extension Effect of Choosing Wisely

Harvard's 85-year happiness study proves:

• Women in healthy marriages live 7-10 years longer

• Have stronger immune systems

• Maintain better cognitive function in old age

• Report higher life satisfaction at every age

Conversely, toxic relationships:

• Increase cortisol levels (linked to cancer risk)

• Accelerate cellular aging

• Double risk of depression

The Ultimate Truth

Most relationships fail because women prioritize temporary feelings over long-term character. Don’t gamble with your future—take your time, observe carefully, and never ignore red flags. Your happiness, safety, and your children’s future depend on this one decision.

Choose a man who is not just a lover, but a true partner—one who will protect, provide, and stand by you through life’s challenges.

Your partner choice determines:

• Whether you'll grow old together or die prematurely from stress

• If your children will have a present father or another trauma statistic

• Whether you'll be respected in your community or face whispered pity

The data doesn't lie—this is the single most consequential decision of your life. Invest more time in vetting a partner than you would in buying a house. Your future self—and your unborn children—will thank you.

Writer - Juliana Bistoquet