Verbal Abuse: The Invisible Wound That Cuts Deep

By Juliana Bistoquet – GPS Seychelles

When we think of abuse, our minds often jump to physical violence—bruises, broken bones, and visible scars. But what about the wounds that don’t bleed? The ones that fester in silence, eroding self-worth, confidence, and mental well-being? Verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse, yet it is often dismissed, minimized, or overlooked.

The Power of Words

Words can build or destroy. A single cruel remark can linger for years, replaying in the victim’s mind like a broken record. Unlike physical injuries, which may heal with time, the psychological impact of verbal abuse can lead to long-term trauma, including:

• Anxiety and depression – Constant criticism, insults, and humiliation can make a person feel worthless.

  • Example (Marriage): A husband repeatedly tells his wife, "You’re pathetic. No one else would put up with you." Over time, she starts believing it, withdrawing from friends and family.

  • Example (Workplace): A boss constantly belittles an employee in front of colleagues, saying, "You’re lucky to even have this job—anyone else would’ve fired you by now." The employee dreads going to work and starts doubting their abilities.

  • Example (Friendship): A "friend" mocks someone’s appearance, saying, "No wonder you’re single—look at you." The person begins avoiding social situations out of shame.

    
    

• Low self-esteem – Being told you’re “stupid,” “useless,” or “unlovable” repeatedly can make you believe it.

  • Example (Marriage): A wife is told, "You’re a terrible mother. The kids would be better off without you." She starts questioning every parenting decision.

  • Example (Workplace): A colleague sneers, "How did you even get hired? You’re completely incompetent." The worker stops contributing in meetings, fearing further humiliation.

  • Example (Bullying): A student is taunted daily with, "You’re so ugly, no one will ever like you." They start skipping school to escape the torment.

    
    

• PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) – Victims of prolonged verbal abuse may experience flashbacks, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness.

  • Example (Marriage): After years of being screamed at, "You ruin everything!" a person flinches at raised voices, even in harmless situations.

  • Example (Workplace): An employee who was publicly berated for minor mistakes starts having panic attacks before meetings.

  • Example (Friendship): Someone who was constantly gaslit by a friend ("You’re too sensitive, I never said that!") second-guesses every conversation.

    
    

• Self-destructive behaviors – Some turn to substance abuse, self-harm, or even suicidal thoughts to escape the pain inflicted by words.

  • Example (Marriage): A partner drinks excessively to numb the pain of being told, "You’re worthless without me."

  • Example (Workplace): An employee who is bullied daily ("You’re a joke in this company.") starts self-harming in secret.

  • Example (Bullying): A teenager cyberbullied with messages like "Everyone hates you, just disappear" contemplates suicide.

“But They Didn’t Hit Me” – Why Verbal Abuse is Downplayed

Society often treats verbal abuse as less serious because there are no visible scars. Victims themselves may doubt their own pain, thinking:

• “Maybe I’m overreacting.” (After a partner says, "You’re too emotional—it was just a joke!")

• “It’s just words—they didn’t actually hurt me.” (When a boss yells, "You’re useless!" but never physically strikes them.)

• “Others have it worse.” (A friend endures insults because "At least they’re not hitting me.")

But research shows that emotional and verbal abuse can alter brain chemistry, triggering the same stress responses as physical harm. The constant fear of being belittled, manipulated, or screamed at keeps the body in a state of high alert, leading to chronic stress and even physical illnesses.

Recognizing Verbal Abuse in Different Settings

Verbal abuse isn’t always shouting or name-calling. It can be subtle, disguised as “jokes” or “constructive criticism.”

In Marriage/Relationships:

✔ Gaslighting – "You’re crazy, I never said that!" (Making you doubt your memory.)✔ Threats – "If you leave, you’ll never see the kids again."✔ Humiliation – "Look at you—no one else would want you."

In the Workplace:

✔ Public Shaming – A boss laughs at an employee’s mistake in front of the team.✔ Undermining – "Don’t bother trying; you’ll just fail again."✔ Exclusion – Deliberately leaving someone out of meetings or conversations.

In Friendships:

✔ Backhanded Compliments – "You’re pretty… for someone like you."✔ Manipulation – "Real friends would do this for me." (Guilt-tripping.)✔ Isolation – Spreading rumors to turn others against you.

Bullying (School/Online):

✔ Cyberbullying – "Kill yourself, no one cares about you."✔ Rumors – Spreading lies to destroy someone’s reputation.✔ Intimidation – "Say anything, and I’ll make your life hell."

Breaking the Cycle: Healing and Seeking Help

If you recognize yourself in these patterns, know this: you deserve kindness, respect, and love. Healing begins with:

1. Acknowledging the abuse – "This isn’t normal or okay."

2. Setting boundaries – "If you speak to me like that again, I will walk away."

3. Seeking support – Therapy, helplines, or trusted friends.

4. Practicing self-compassion – Replace the hurtful words with: "I am enough. I am worthy."

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A Call for Awareness

We must stop treating verbal abuse as “not real abuse.” The scars may be invisible, but the damage is profound. If you or someone you know is suffering in silence, speak up. Abuse is abuse—whether it leaves a bruise on the skin or the soul.

Juliana Bistoquet is a writer and advocate for mental health awareness with GPS Seychelles. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, reach out to local support services or helplines. You are not alone.